Tricking Yourself Into Journaling

Below is the text of the lesson I taught at a Relief Society activity tonight. A very special thing happened during the lesson. I had been feeling sad today because we just got the final accident report from the NTSB about my brother, Nate's, plane crash. I didn't think we would be getting it until the two-year anniversary in May 2019, so this was unexpected. And I had been kind of hoping for more info than what we already knew, but there wasn't much more to add or any new wreckage found. So the grief that is always just below the surface bubbled up a little. While I was teaching the lesson tonight, I randomly opened up one of my old journals to show an example of how you can combine a to-do list with a journal. The page I opened up to was November 2, 2009–my brother's birthday. And on my to-do list was to wish him a happy birthday. And it was checked off. ❤️

You can't make this stuff up, folks. God is in the details and he is so good to us. Here is my lesson:

Lesson on Creative Writing Through Journaling - - Cardiff Ward Relief Society - - Sept. 13, 2018

How many have never kept a journal or rarely do so? [Jot down names for prize later.]

God has commanded prophets and others through the ages to keep records. People sacrificed their lives to preserve and translate the records that are now our scriptures. I used to wonder why there were not as many women's stories and voices in the standard works. One day I realized that there are thousands of women's stories in the journals of our pioneer predecessors. In the preface to the brand-new church history book called Saints: The Story of the Church of Jesus Christ in the Latter Days, we read, "Saints is not scripture, but like the scriptures, each volume contains divine truth and stories of imperfect people trying to become Saints through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Their stories—like the stories of all Saints, past and present—remind readers how merciful the Lord has been to His people as they have joined together around the globe to further God's work." Commercial for this book: It is already on LDS gospel library! The audio recording is already there! It reads like a novel but every word is based on historical fact or journals!!

President Kimball, the prophet of my youth, really stressed keeping a journal and you can find his fabulous article called "The Angels May Quote From It" on lds.org. New Era Classic: The Angels May Quote from It - new-era Here is my first journal. [Read the first entry.] "I got this from my grandparents and now I don't have to write my journal on random scraps of paper." I didn't write every day and sometimes only a few times a year but I am so grateful for what I did record. Now, this type of hardback journal is very intimidating to me. I bought this beautiful journal a few years ago at TJMaxx that has all these great inspiring quotes in it, but a journal like this makes me feel like I have to write all neatly and make sure what I say is really amazing. And it's the kind of thing where if I feel like I "have to" write in my journal, I feel guilty if I don't, etc. etc.

Later on, I found a great way to trick myself into journaling and also keep my emotions healthy while I was in the thick of raising kids. Like all of God's commandments, the commandment to keep a record is to help US. [Show my spiral bound mini notebooks.] I always kept this notebook in my purse with a ribbon and a pen attached. On the right-hand side is my to-do list with a square that I got to X in when I accomplished a task. I did NOT cross off the items because this is a record, too! I can go back and be interested in the things I was doing. Even a task like driving my kids to a church activity is poignant to me now. I daily gave myself credit for every little thing I did. I didn't expect to get emotional when gathering these things for this lesson but this is a record of my life, a life made up of millions of little acts of service and joy. I left the facing page blank for recording thoughts or experiences. I would sometimes paste in a note or email I received from a friend. I treasure and preserve nice things people say about me to remind me to feel good about myself. I very deliberately make these choices to keep my mood up. Reading back over these things years later still makes me feel good.

In the process of raising my autistic son, I have done my recording more and more electronically. I document in detail every step of progress he has made. I have a blog that is just for me on which I am SO grateful that I wrote about some of my very worst days and the lessons I learned or what I was struggling with. I love looking back on my journals in my own handwriting and I think hard copies of things are very important. But I have found that the electronic form is so easily shareable with my adult kids. When I am gone they will be able to go back and easily find my words and hopefully get comfort and inspiration from them. When encouraging my kids, I can easily send them a link to something I wrote on my blog.

Now that Sam has started spelling to communicate, I have started a blog for him to record his original words and milestones. Currently it is just a few sentences but it will grow to many pages.

In conclusion, your journal doesn't have to be perfect or pretty. You can jot notes on your phone. You can save emails. You can scribble notes down on a calendar and save your calendars. I used to write down cute things the kids said on my calendar and now those are so precious to me! And if you post on facebook, did you know that you can have your facebook posts and photos made into a printed book?

To the people who rarely journal, I have these journals for you. [Hand out five journals I brought.] Here is a way to trick yourself into journaling. You will be so glad you did it. It will help your mental and spiritual health in the short run and it will bring you so much joy in the long run. I call it the Five and Five. Each day, write down five things you are grateful for and five things you are proud of yourself for. BE SPECIFIC. Don't write down the same general thing every day like that you are grateful for your family. (LAME!) Write things like you are grateful that your toddler pooped in the toilet for the first time, or that your favorite cereal was on sale, or that your college kid surprised you and called you on the phone. This practice will change your life. When you focus on the things that brought you joy, you will see the hand of God in your life and know that you are not forgotten. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Miracle Shower

Talk in SIS May 2, 2018

Although I dislike public speaking, I appreciate the opportunity to process some thoughts and recent events in my life. I'm supposed to talk about a parable of Jesus, and I was drawn to "consider the lilies". I'm not sure that's a parable but my biblical scholar daughter says it is, so I'm using it!

In Matthew 6:28-30 we read, "And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?" 

"Consider the lilies" means that Heavenly Father gives me exactly what I need in the moment I need it. 

On January 30 of 2017, I drove to Del Mar to meet my oldest and dearest friend of 30 years for our regular Monday walk, and was instead met by one of our mutual friends who told me that our friend was in the hospital with stage four cancer and had only days to live. I was naturally shocked and devastated. She's my age and has been like a sister to me for most of my life.

Well, days turned into weeks, she returned home and regained her stamina and we resumed our Monday walks! We also spent many hours together designing a quilt for her little nephew. This quilt project was a great blessing to me as color, creation, and design are a such a balm and balance for my worries.

On March 30 my first grandchild was born!

On April 16 I gave an Easter talk in sacrament meeting about how the natural world and daily events of our lives are full of resurrection messages.

 

I have a nonspeaking 16-year-old autistic son named Sam who is extremely developmentally disabled and I assumed profoundly mentally retarded. On April 17 I started him on letterboard lessons and discovered that he can read, spell, do math, and is really smart and totally aware of everything!

On May 15 my younger brother was flying a small plane carrying his girlfriend and her two small boys from Puerto Rico to Florida and they crashed in the ocean. The coast guard searched for a week and found only one small piece of the plane and a seat cushion. 

Even during this tragedy, I was so aware and grateful that my dear friend was alive and right by my side to support me through this unspeakable event.

Two weeks later we drove to Utah to celebrate my grandson's baby blessing. On the long drive I worked on plans for my brother's memorial, and was met in Utah by cousins who went out of their way to drive to Orem so they could give me a hug.

In the beginning of June, my adult son and daughter with her newborn baby flew to NH with me for my brother's service, and I got to hold my sweet new grandson through the whole thing. Friends and family showered our family with love, music, stunning floral arrangements, stories, and food. My adult kids drove me around for an hour after the service and asked me to "talk about my feelings".

I continued to go on Monday walks with my friend and work on the quilt with her and she listened to me share my sorrows and joys and I did the same for her. She especially cheered for Sam continued progress in spelling to communicate!

In September my adult son who has been out of the church and living six hours away for the past ten years, surprised us by wanting to move back home with his dog! We had not been super close because of the physical and religious distance but he has turned out to be a wonderful brother and trainer for Sam, and an emotionally intelligent and mature son!

Sam used to be extremely self-injurious and part of our shared mission is to help other kids recover from what he went through. In mid-September the company I sell products for released a new item that seemed very promising. I shared about it online and a mom who had just lived through a frightening incident with her son reached out to me. I sent her some products to try and he improved almost immediately and we became instant friends. Seeing the hand of God use Sam and me to help other families is so humbling and strengthening to us.

Sam continued to reveal more and more of himself through his letterboard lessons and started home study seminary which he loves. After we finished listening to the Book of Mormon audiobook, I felt prompted to bear testimony of the Book of Mormon in fast and testimony meeting. Sam and I walked to the pulpit together where, miraculously, he stood completely still by my side and I was voice to our shared testimony.

One month ago, after living joyfully and energetically for more than a year after her diagnosis, my friend passed away peacefully in her sleep. I will be attending her memorial this Saturday. I cry every day about her and my brother. I miss talking to her about my joys and challenges, and texting her cute videos of my grandson. I don't know what to do with my need to text her and talk with her. And it has been almost a year since my brother's passing and I still can't quite believe or process what happened. 

But even though I cry every day, my days are also full of joy!

 

This Friday night I will be taking my sixteen-year-old son to his first prom. He will look dashing in his new purple shirt and silver bow tie!

Last week I shared natural products for anxiety with six brilliant nonspeaking autistic teenagers. One of them was so anxious about walking outside that he had not been on a walk in a year. He went on his first walk last week!

I am not an animal person at all, but last week I got brave and learned how to take my grand-dog on a walk! What a small thing that is good for my health and brings another creature so much pure joy! My friend was so good at lighting a fire under me and making me walk even when I didn't want to and she was in pain. I feel like my grand-dog is carrying on that job for her.

In Utah last week I visited my kids and grandson, a one-year-old giggling wonder baby, celebrated Julia's BYU graduation, and felt inspired to plan for Sam to attend EFY at BYU next year!

As President Uchtdorf teaches, we can be grateful no matter what. "In any circumstance, our sense of gratitude is nourished by the many and sacred truths we do know: that our Father has given His children the great plan of happiness; that through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, we can live forever with our loved ones; that in the end, we will have glorious, perfect, and immortal bodies, unburdened by sickness or disability; and that our tears of sadness and loss will be replaced with an abundance of happiness and joy, "good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over." (This whole talk is absolutely fantastic for anyone who is grieving!) https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng

This past 14 months during this time of loss I'm simultaneously experiencing joy and wonderful surprises like I've never known. I call it a "miracle shower".

Samuel's First-Ever Message to Mom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWBbjIngeq4


Sent from my iPhone

Testimony Meeting

Sam and I finished listening to the Book of Mormon yesterday. It was his second time since his first reading at the age of eight. I was very moved by Moroni's last chapters and his transcription of the letters from his now-deceased father with his strong doctrinal teachings that also must have given Moroni great comfort. I was struck by the pattern of powerful father-son prophetic duos throughout the book starting with Lehi and Nephi. I wanted to bear my testimony today and had a prompting to have Sam join me. He wasn't in a great mood before church but when the time came, he walked up to the podium with me and stood stock still next to me, holding my hand, while I spoke. Lisa said he was looking right into my face the whole time, hanging on my every word. She had never seen anything like it. After we sat down, Lisa bore her testimony as well.