Truth and Lies

The floor is cleaned of poo, the pajamas and bedding are in the washer being double-washed in hot water, my nine-year-old son is diapered, dressed, and sleeping it off in the bedroom, the boogie board (which I used to shield his head as he banged it on the bathtub) is put away, my son's homemade organic-turkey-bacon-brown-rice balls are in the oven, and one of the best chocolate chip cookies on the planet (mine) is in my stomach.

Mornings would certainly be easier if he was potty-trained. He will poo in the toilet if you catch him at the right time, but he gets angry if you try to make him sit there or do anything he doesn't want to do. He seems to go in his diaper between 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning but if I get up that early to take him, then I have to get up even earlier to get myself ready and everything I need to take care of him ready, not to mention how hard it is to get myself to bed early enough in the first place.

Meanwhile, until we can figure this out, we have our morning wrestling match in the bathtub.

Yesterday as I was up to my elbows in this oh-so-fun routine, and full of additional anxieties, it occurred to me that all these thoughts that fuel my anxieties are lies, and that the source of all lies is the adversary, the father of lies.

So why would I want to listen to him?

Think about your anxieties and see if they are based on lies. This is a useful exercise to get yourself out of a pit of negativity and worry.

Lie: The amount of bruises on your son's face are the direct result of your shortcomings as a mother.

Truth: As hard as you try to pad and protect him, you do not have total control of what he chooses to do. He created these latest bruises when he was in the care of someone else, who had the video monitor right in front of her, and your son figured out how to get out of his padding that had been working great for weeks. Actually, the fact that his face was almost clear until this latest incident is a testament to how vigilant you have been.

Lie: His teacher will judge you for these bruises when he goes back to school on Monday.

Truth: He is not judging you. He knows you are an exceptional mother. He is concerned about your son and doesn't want him to be hurt. He is also probably required to phone the parents if a child comes into school bruised. He has seen how tricky your son is, trying to slip in a jab whenever he can, and he has a classroom full of adult helpers. If anyone were to question the situation further, all they have to do is observe your son for an hour (great idea! I will invite CPS to join us for morning bathtime! Maybe they will have some good suggestions!) or talk to his speech therapist, occupational therapist, pediatrician, or psychiatrist, all of whom have seen him in action. With all you are going through, it is too bad that you are worried about being accused of negligence or child abuse. Let go of that draining and unrealistic fear.

Lie: Your husband is judging you for not being organized enough when he is trying to help with your son and is asking you where his stuff is.

Truth: He is simply asking where things are because he wants to help. He is not telling you that you are not doing a good job. He doesn't go through the script that is running through your mind, that you want things to be in order but you are choosing to go to bed earlier so you can deal with your son earlier the next morning. And that you are incredibly frustrated by the state of the house but not much is going to get done until he goes back to school.

Lie: Having your son be home for an extra week of Christmas Vacation was some kind of cruel joke.

Truth: Um, that's pretty much true!.....Well....next week....when he is back in school, I'm sure I will see the point of it. My husband spent more time with him. I took him to see his autism specialist and that was productive. We spent some quality time driving over speed bumps together--at least that made him laugh. And in God's plan, there is a point to everything we go through.

Lie: Because you miss your daughter terribly since she went back to college on Monday, and because she plans to stay for Spring semester, you won't see her again for months.

Truth: That is unlikely. You don't know when you will see her again but that just means you don't know, not that it will be a long time.

Lie: Because you miss your daughter terribly, and cry every day about it, and because your other daughter will be leaving home in less than two years, life is going to get worse and worse.

Truth: There are many joys ahead. You couldn't have anticipated the joy it was to lead the music in church last Sunday while your daughter played the organ, and it happened because she was called to play the organ in her college ward. There are missions, weddings, trips, grandchildren, conversations, and many other joys ahead.

Lie: You are not doing enough for your son.

Truth: Now that is just laughable. Hahahahahahaha. You should probably be doing less for him. You have enlisted a team of specialists, have opened your mind to using alternative medicine, if that could help him, you wake up before six every morning, you design special padding for him that still allows freedom of movement, you are carefully recording this journey so that others can be helped, and email his birthmom monthly so his birth sister can benefit from what you're learning. You also take great pains to maintain your constantly challenged mental health. Hahahahahahaha again!

Lie: Because the respite nurse cancelled yesterday she will cancel today.

Truth: That is unlikely. She knows how disappointed you were yesterday and she will do everything in her power to be here today. And yesterday turned out fine: Your husband stayed home from work so you could keep your appointment and he also took your son out for two hours!

---------

This wonderful article called Truths and Lies is one of my favorites. I haven't read it recently because I didn't want it to influence what the words that were in my head this morning, but now I want to re-read it.

http://lds.org/ensign/2009/10/truths-and-lies?lang=eng&query=truth+lies