Beautiful Heartbreak

I'm really ashamed to admit this, but the other day while I was in the store I was looking at happy-go-lucky strangers thinking, "Your life isn't as hard as mine." My friend sent me this video last night that put it all in perspective. If each of us carried a sign everywhere we went....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyX-I-um5Kk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Young Man with Muscular Dystrophy Crowned Homecoming King

My friend sent me the link to this delightful article last night, about a young man who is a good friend of theirs and shares the same disability as her son. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705392135/Olympus-High-School-elects-disabled-Homecoming-king.html

What if Your blessings Come Through Raindrops, What if Your Healing Comes Through Tears?

My friend whose son has muscular dystrophy sent me this beautiful song containing a message that was just what I needed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ We pray for blessings We pray for peace Comfort for family, protection while we sleep We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering All the while, You hear each spoken need Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things. 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You're near What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise. We pray for wisdom Your voice to hear And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love As if every promise from Your Word is not enough All the while, You hear each desperate plea And long that we'd have faith to believe 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You're near And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise When friends betray us When darkness seems to win We know that pain reminds this heart That this is not, this is not our home It's not our home 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears And what if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You're near What if my greatest disappointments Or the aching of this life Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy And what if trials of this life The rain, the storms, the hardest nights Are Your mercies in disguise

Spontaneous Sign

This morning was really rough, just like yesterday morning. After about 20 minutes into happily eating breakfast, he went ballistic, nothing I did to prevent it worked, I had to restrain him and give him deep pressure. After about twenty minutes of this (yesterday he was ballistic for forty), he became a perfect, sweet little angel, as if nothing had happened. He hits himself throughout the day when he doesn't get his way, but in the mornings, it's clear to me he does it because he has a great proprioceptive sensory need and when he gets it filled, he's perfectly content. Of course, I would like him to fill it in a less damaging way than through hitting. When it was time to give him his Flo-Vent (preventative medicine for asthma), he very consciously sat still, did not try to pull the mask off, and very deliberately inhaled deeply like he is supposed to. He clearly so purposefully did this. I was still very, very upset, and so disappointed that despite my prayers and focus and efforts I still let this get to me. But decided to pull myself together and read aloud from the Book of Mormon while we waited for the bus and I was at the part where it talks about Lehi's Dream and holding to the rod of iron. I knew that as weak and unworthy as I am, that reading the Book of Mormon brings the spirit into our home. And then I had to stop reading because of emotion as I realized that what I was doing right then was clinging to the rod of iron, which is a symbol of the word of God. My son was walking around, in and out of the room I was in, as I was reading, and I heard a hitting sound coming from his direction. GREAT, I thought, he's hitting himself again. But I looked over and he was hitting his left hand to his chest, like a sign-language sign. My "homework" for this week is to look for signs of communication other than hitting, and to reinforce him for them. He sees sign language done at school but so far hasn't demonstrated it there yet. I called his teacher and he says that is close to the sign for "please" they use in the classroom. He has done it before towards me and I've interpreted it to mean, "I love you," so I gave him a hug and said, 'I love you, too."

Poo Prints

In case I haven't mentioned this before, my son is not toilet trained. Yesterday I steam-sanitized my entire tile floor, then when I was done, noticed a small brown thing on the floor that had a shoe print in it, my shoe print, and realized that I had been following the steam cleaner with poop footprints

Knowing the Truth of ALL Things

In my scripture study this morning I was on the very last chapter of the Book of Mormon. I have been struggling with knowing how to proceed with my son. His behavior last week was way out of control and I didn't know what had caused it or if anything had caused it. I have a list of factors and had absolutely no idea which one, if any was to blame. In addition, I'm at a crossroads with the program he's been doing and just feel tired and need help but organizing and scheduling the help is overwhelming. Factors: Prednisone from asthma ER visit? My subconcious attitude? Risperdal dosage? Taking him off lamictal? Apples? Avocadoes? The weather? Feeling very unworthy because I lost my temper with him yesterday, but knowing that the best thing to do was to pray and read my scriptures, I did it. Here I came to Moroni 10:3-5, Moroni's promise, the most famous scripture about how to know if the Book of Mormon is true. But what jumped out at me instead? "And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." Moroni 10:5 What jumped out at me, as if was highlighted, was the word ALL. God cares about every aspect of my life and if I study things out in my mind, ponder, and pray D&C 9:8-9, the Holy Ghost will let me know the truth of ALL things. But that wasn't all. I'm doing an Eastern medicine therapy with him and our third appointment is today. The first visit was absolutely amazing, I felt really good about it, and the second visit was nice but not as amazing....and then we had a horrible week. I'm feeling more ambivalent about today's visit, but am having faith that what happened the first week was truly good, inspirational, and God-sent. The scriptures that followed confirmed that every good thing comes from God: 6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is.  7 And ye may aknow that he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, baccording to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever.  8 And again, I exhort you, my brethren, that ye deny not theagifts of God, for they are many; and they come from the same God. And there are bdifferent ways that these gifts are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are given by the manifestations of the cSpirit of God unto men, to profit them.  9 aFor behold, to one is given by the Spirit of God, that he maybteach the word of wisdom;  10 And to another, that he may ateach the word of bknowledge by the same Spirit;  11 And to another, exceedingly great afaith; and to another, the gifts of bhealing by the same Spirit;  12 And again, to another, that he may work mighty amiracles;  13 And again, to another, that he may prophesy concerning all things;  14 And again, to another, the beholding of angels and ministering spirits;  15 And again, to another, all kinds of tongues;  16 And again, to another, the interpretation of alanguages and of divers kinds of tongues.  17 And all these gifts come by the Spirit of Christ; and they come unto every man severally, according as he will.  18 And I would exhort you, my beloved brethren, that ye remember that aevery good bgift cometh of Christ.

Demanding Callings

In Institute class yesterday, again we were talking about how the principle that it is by grace that we are saved, "after all we can do" does NOT mean running yourself ragged and then asking for God's help. It means consistently repenting. A woman in the class raised her hand and talked about how there are some callings in the church where you could work on your calling eight hours a day, seven days a week, and still not be done. She said that when she was serving as Relief Society President, she was praying at the end of the week, repenting of all she hadn't accomplished (although I don't agree with the term "repenting" in this case, but that is the word she used) and she decided to really be open to the Spirit about how she should proceed. She said that she was very surprised at times at what she was prompted to do. Even though she had a ton of stuff to do for her calling, and was praying for help with her calling, she would be prompted to do something completely unrelated, like an activity with her family. When she lived close to the Spirit like that, and partnered with the Lord, the work of her calling got done. Even if we are not all Relief Society Presidents or Young Women's Presidents, which of us doesn't have a demanding calling in life? Which of us doesn't feel like even if we worked eight hours a day, seven days a week, we would not get it all done? Let this wise woman's experience be a lesson to all of us. My answer to prayer yesterday after being so overwhelmed with my son and his behavior and my impatience with it, was to send him off with my husband and watch "The Sing Off" with my daughter while mending a shirt for her.

Mother's Halo

I got punched in the nose this morning and wanted to tell someone who would sympathize. When I tell my family I get met with blank stares. It's kind of amazing to me that my husband can be getting ready for work and (I'm assuming), in earshot of my son flailing and banging his head and does not come to my rescue. He's just used to me handling this--a 114 pound boy who is strong enough to cover his body with bruises with his punches. Maybe he's as numb and in denial as I am--that this will get better, not worse, as our son gets bigger. To his credit, he was in the shower and might not have heard. And a few weeks ago when my son got me in the nose with the back of his head and I thought it was broken and I called my husband at work, through uncontrollable sobs, he came right home.  At least this morning it was a fist, not a head, that got me in the nose, and I was in the cross-fire as my son was trying to punch himself in the face, not me. To add to the joy of this morning, in my anxiety to get my son to the bus, which was already waiting outside, I forgot to take the "Fun Noodle" off my head, which I had fashioned into something I like to call "Mother's Halo" to give me some cushioning when I'm bending over and getting my son dressed in case he decides to head-butt me. It's actually incredibly useful--it doesn't completely protect me but it makes me feel a lot safer when my head is near his. The scene you would have seen if you had been peeking through my kitchen window this morning was actually pretty funny. To get him calm (his proprioceptive system is way out of whack in the morning) I had put the dustbuster on my son's lap, the electric toothbrush in his hand, and had the nebulizer going to give him his breathing treatment. (If the power had gone out this morning, we would have been sunk!!) He was very content sitting there, but got mad when I had to turn everything off to get him to the bus. So my nose hurts, and I'm sick of being hurt and my son hurting himself. But it's not broken, or even bleeding. The bus driver got to see an ingenius, inexpensive tool that cost less than a dollar, that perhaps he will be able to share with a family member who cares for someone with autism. My son is on the bus on the way to school, after a four day weekend and two asthma sick days. He is healthy and I am alone in the house, finally, after six days (but who's counting?!!). My husband just sent me a very sweet text message. And with the orange ring on my head and dressed in my fuzzy bathrobe this morning, I got to be among the likes of Professor Trelawney.

Dayton's Legs

My daughter showed this short video for Family Home Evening tonight. It's a must-watch. https://lds.org/youth/video/daytons-legs?lang=eng