There are many other words I could have used in this morning's subject line, but decided to use more positive ones.
This is the second morning in a row I have been awakened in the wee hours by the sound of my son's head banging on the drywall of his room and shaking the whole house. And been up for an hour afterwards. Yesterday it was 4:30-5:30 and today it was 3:00-4:00. Ohhhhhh joy.
On the plus side, when he was stretching his legs after I took off his soaked double-diaper, he did what to me looked like a full "swords" pattern: not just legs but arms and head as well. It is a reflex that infants are supposed to do naturally so maybe that reflex is kicking in as changes are going on in his brain. I am so grateful that I had that glimmer of hope on Monday, evidence from four independent witnesses that his eyes are improving and therefore the treatments we are doing with him are having an effect.
Meanwhile, back to his sensory-processing-disordered body, the part of him that I deal with every day, let's just say that he was typically awful this morning--what morning isn't these days--but since my sleep was interrupted in the wee hours two days in a row, my emotional and physical reserves are zip. My husband was home and would have been available had he not had a conference call for work at the precise time our son was creating a tidal wave as he had his full-body tantrum in the bathtub.
Since there was no mortal help available, and there usually isn't during the worst times, I tried to remember that the Savior is right beside me walking through this and imagined myself taking a break and letting him do it for a while. Then I wondered if it was healthy to mentally dissociate myself like this, and then I decided I didn't care.
Managing to get him to stand up and to the bed so I could dry him and get his diaper on him and dress him for school, and as his body was full-slamming and his legs were scissor-kicking, I started singing Primary songs and hymns so that I wouldn't give in to my anger.
It worked. By the time I got to "How Firm a Foundation", I was crying in complete submission and desperation, but I wasn't angry.
And somehow, miraculously, he is dressed and on the bus. He looked meaningfully into my eyes and gave the driver sweet smiles as he buckled him in.
"Fear not, I am with thee,
O be not dismayed.
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand."
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